BACKDROP...

Much to do about nothing...
It like living with everything...
empty spaces...
crazy races...
powerful thinking on the go...
idle smoking down on the low...
mistaken identity in the row..
thoughtful promises are too slow...
addictive lines are far from near...
far away images are nearer in the rear...
strong feelings are going down the gutter...
this repulsion of having bread with butter...
 a glass is the last thing in my hand...
but the ants marches in a band...
i am secluded to the core...
when i am alone with the sore...
its the emotions that cant.scape...
and the feeling that wont escape...

JUSTIFI CATION....

 I am fairly holding my pride when i write this post.  Result announcement took a short time to heal and more time to absorb the happy pretense. but everything happens for reason i guess. That's exactly why i can fathom our denied acceptance into Thailand. M&P were sweet to arrange a 2 day Thailand trip for both me n dee after hearing out that we wont be having enough time to spend with them as we had already brought our tickets to Delhi. So, we agreed to go to Thailand on the 3rd of April. We took the nigh bus drive to the Changlung border thats separates south of Thailand and Malaysia. Little did i know that my excitement was about to drop dead when we were told that the visa fee was Rm200. M&P made it known that it was far too expensive and the rest of the trip wont be worth the money. So, we rented a cab back all the way to Sungai Petani to spend the rest of our remaining days. The days in Kedakh was awesome. we had a drive to Penang to fill the missing scene of Penang. I am love with the beaches and the freedom that I relished during my Training days.
The best Part of all was that I got to Participate in Ching Ming. It is a custom in Chinese culture to visit the graveyards of their late Parents and relatives. I like it particularly because I feel a unique sense of relief and Peace. Sometimes I wish I too could visit my Mama's tomb and remember her!
Moving on, I made a visit to the Pada Museum the next day to learn about the Paddy culture in Malysia and go back to the villages.  I must say that the museum was beautifully made. The Best part of our Kedakh tour was the BujangValley. The valley presents the early Indian civilisation in Malaysia, though the country denies its ancestral from India. anyways, I had a great time admiring the artifacts and the culture that existed thousands of years ago. it is amazing to see the remains of their architecture and ornaments that tells a lot about their lifestyle and religion. Among all,  I found a Particular Buddha statue most appealing though the face has been rubbed clean due to aging, i guess or metamorphosis. yeah, after strolling through the places of golden era, we took a jump in the river that was flowing.  It wasnt a big river but we had a pretty good time.

Back to the house, we leaned in for a while and then headed out for Dinner. I have no idea where the place is located. All I can tell is that it is near the beach and it crowded and also that we had to wait for nearly an hour for our order to arrive. Thank God the Food tasted good otherwise I could have cursed the sky above for sheltering me!
The following morning, the day dawned for us to head back to the city and just stay in there.....

CHIMES OF HOPE...

A MOMENT OF BEAUTY AND A LIFE OF RUST....
Many a big things in life goes uncredited...
Many a Petite concerns in living stays eternal...
I understand the feeling of being lost...
I also fathom the happiness of being found again..

I may overlook the silence of the breeze...

but i care to relish the touch of that breeze....

EDITION OF THY CHAPTER...

I am getting the vibes of the Season and I am stilll living with the vibes wihtout reacting...
It's Exam time and I am lying down smoking some dreams that will never coem true... it is hard to fathom the law of focus- and concenteration but I am determined to get through,.....

today's French listening test was a failure.. a strong punch right in my face. need to back up  my French Oral in- order to save the system from falling....

Lord! gimme me enough strength to catch those unspeakable phrases....
and make me puke out the innate French in me!!!!!

Merci Beacoup...
Amen!

POST GRADUATION....

First lemme congratulate myslef.....  Congratulation!
now lemme enjoy the moment for a while forgetting every other possible things that can run on my mind.

yeah! finally I nailed it... literally, i am a Graduate now....
well well, lemme pour out all the bitterness that i had to swallow during that heavy a week trail.

the days when i inhaled coffee like air and was still able to sleep like a log....
the mornings when i detest the morning sun creeping through the curtains...
the time when i reached out to shut off the bloody alarm and gotten me late....
the dinner time, when  i had to cook when all i wanted to do was to insert a food tube inside me...
the valuable time, when i had to nook into the noted when i so wanted to go out for movies...
the irreversible time, when i had to look like a walking zombie instead of a sleeping zombie...
the laced time, when i had to do laundering when i should be shopping...
the tangled time, when i had to sleep with my notes when i should be resting on the feathered couch...

but it wasnt that bad  coz....
i had the time to watch shows all day long with the notes closed in my hand,, even on the night of my finals...
Gossip Girl, 90210, American Next Topmodel 9,10,13.....thanx to cendy!
you saved me from poking my nose in those thick notes....
my ultimate ode to those coffee manufacturers.. even though the effect sort of died on me... but stilll, I appreciate the taste and the effort!

A damn round of applause to me, for breaking all the rules of exam study and still managing to pass at somebody's will..... luv ya...
Post Graduation, i am jobless, in the sense that i am no longer a student and i have got nothing in my hand!
but I am finding time to make myself feel all the more useless and carefree... but still responsible!

i am retrieving myself to the shopping world but everybody knows how much I dont prefer it! shopping aint bad but I am not worth that extravaganza...oopsy!
Meanwhile, i am engaged in thinking about the world that i left behind and now i gotta go back to it and most importantly face it with a smile! fingers crossed!

guess everything runs out for a reason and lord! gimme a reason worth reasoning...

IT'S ME THAT I AM KNOWNED FOR...

It’s the feeling. Deep inside that I am drowned into!

It’s the depth. Dug below that I am heaved into!

It’s the berth. Dark down that I am sunk into!

It’s the dark. Pitched back that I am blackened to!

It’s the phobia. Strongly seized that I am habituated to!

It’s the alcove. Beautifully woven that I am caught into!

It’s the catch. Stalwartly hold that I am secured onto!

It’s the cosset. Comfortably clutched that I am clanged onto!

It’s the crowd. Massively thronged that I am belonged to!

It’s the feel. Powerfully chained  that I am reasoned to!

It’s the light. Brightly shone that I am adhered to!

It’s the rays. Elegantly scattered that I am bathed into!

It’s the ripples. Justly formed that I am drunk into!

It’s the hands. Trustily held that I am linked with!

It’s the faces. Pleasantly smiled that I am welcomed to!

It’s the life. Blessedly bestowed that I am lived to!

It’s the cycle. Justified by me that I am circled in it!

FAR-AWAY WISH...

Your single wish makes my day….

Though you are far-fetched away…

You took the pain to alleviate me…

Your wish on my day…

Makes my day worthwhile…

I was born to greet your wish…

I smile in the fear of smiling again…

Knowing that my tear won’t fetch a smile…

I dream of the day when you will stand beside me..

Light up my birthday candles…

And blew all my Birthday candles with me…

A whiff of your breath can chill my days…

A touch of your hand can warm my soul…

I am addicted to your warmth…

I am obsesses with your addiction…

You may know I am here for you…

 You may also know I was here for you always…

Your light shines on me…

I am a gratitude to your LOVE…

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE CARED LESS...

 It goes without saying that I am handicapped- handicapped in every way when I am put into situation liek this. Like this situation when i know not what to say and how to defend. All the time i keep on thinking, why cant i say someting that can make everybody go numbed at that instance and forever. I just want to see everybody jaws falling when Ispeak my final truth but I am tied up. why am i so tied up? I have no answer to that. i keep on falling in my own words of silence.
Can somebody please back me up and tale a tale for me?
you cant be expecting me to defend myself coz you know well that i am allergic to defence but you can shield me coz you are also falling in the same allegations.
when words are spoken to mean something, I do not ignore the meaning but I do not accept the meaning too. you are no part of me to echo on my behalf and i am myself, not to echo back to your ignorance....
I read somewhere, "LIFE IS BUT A BED OF ROSES" but dont foregt roses are adorned with thorns...
you may think life is beautiful with your sarcasm but trust me, your sarcasm, may madden somebody! least I am not that somebody to succumb but I will construct it as my rose of living....

I admit I am helpless in my own ways but I am not hapless in my ways....

DA STEPS DAT I TOOK...

Sunday, the 25th april...

Being driven to the foothil of the BROGA was interestingly uneasy and anticipated particularly after my very early rise and shine at around 4:30am. Hastingly, I shoved myself into the back seat to wander off half-asleep. It was around 5:30am when my feet finally touched the ground in midst of a large crowd of early hikers. I was acompanied by 5 friends and a bag of apples and oranges and bottles of water on my hunched back. With tempted early chill, we slowly began tracing the steps that followed before us with torch light gazing on the ground like the floating moon. Halfway at my progress, I brushed myself against the numerous weeds and grasses that allied the track. Tall poplar trees interespered with the grasses, at times supporting the weak body that was being thrushed forward with every deep step. The climb became steeper with the slanting hill and I could hear the breeze flowing between my damp hair. The journey to the first hill was easy and smooth with my breath still intact. The little town lay still asleep in the early hours with the street lights torched high. As i turned around, I could see the two hills that I need to conquer. Quickly I unpaked my bag and all of us churned in for some light breakfast of bread and tuna along with the fruits that I had burdened to carry. hmmm how can I forget the photo session. It was the time for the actors to fall for the stage... hehehhe...

we stil had two more hills to conquer but we thought it was wise enough to witness the sunrise  from the first hill and then move forward. Before long, the cloud started to move apart and the sky began filling itself with shades of blue giving way to the glow of the sun. the view was spectacular as I followed the eye of the sun. As the heat gained momentum, the flashes became more evident and so the people now seem to be transperant... and full of life as the activity resumes.
the perch on the next hill was short and nice. It was a diferent feeling to be following the monkey steps in climbing the great rock and view the world in my vicinity....  The heat flashed high on the brow of everybody to feel its intensity. well, the crowd started gaining popularty so we made a quick move to thin it out. so, we began reversing our steps... everybody knows, the journey downhill is as consistent as the sleep... so there we go with the jumping steps and flowing sweats.... and the longing for the nice cosy sleep....


P.S.  my eyelids refuses to slid open... cant help

dreaming the dream of reality...

THE EARLY RISE..

ALIFT ME....

Sparkle of love afloat in the wide space…


I look on with eyes of admiration…

Rays of red light scatter in the night…

I am bathed in that scarlet of love…

Twinkle of laughter arise in the air…

I join with swift of exhilaration…

Notes of music breeze in the heavens…

I am blessed with countless nightingales…

Beads of affection are threaded in every corner…

I am beaded with thread of warmth…

Cluster of fireflies shone in my way…

I am lit up in the light of the bay…