Lost and lonely...

I am lost living in the days gone by that I can hardly see the future that lay before me…  maybe I am turning blind towards myself. Everybody thinks that I have gone astray. They can tell by the look on my declining face. I didn’t even realise that I was sinking that deep in my tears and fears but now when I look at myself in the mirror, I can tell that they weren’t lying to me. They were my mirror when I refuse to look into the glass. Now that I know that I am drifting away, I dunno where to anchor myself. I have drawn myself so far away that I can’t see any turning back. Even when I do I am not sure where to rest my rowing arms.  You have made me grow so badly that I can’t’ let myself wither away so nicely….

A little death of mine...

I have nothing to say on your part for the wrong you have done. You may be right in your way but it felt like a blow to my feeble heart that hasn’t grown strong till now.  I am still in the dilemma whether to love you or to let me love to hate you even more. Every time when I think about you, I cry to myself. I know there is no point in shedding those tears but I can feel that I am still alive with your thoughts. I always imagined my life to be filled with love and the love to come from the first person that I love. Sad but true, I am still living in that dream when my first love has already floated away right before my eyes. I am feeling weak now but I guess this weakness is much stronger than the strength I posses.  The tears that I shed have become a part of my life that I am not living.

I M DYING A L'LLE MORE INSIDE....

Past the imaginary funeral of mine...
I am still lying in the burial ground waiting to be buried...
I dunno how long I am gonna be laid out...
I so want this to end..
All this is killing me a little more inside...
each second pierces like the blade of the grass against those smooth skin...
I used to lay awake at night....
and think of the times that were never my past...
i used to dream of all those moments that i still see lingering in my bygone days..
I have lived moments trying to be still and calm..
but with passing day, i am seeing a new death in my face...
I wish i could recoil all of those unpleasant moments....
and straighten out the happy days....
right before my eyes... right here in my eyes..
Right in my closed Heart....