THE BOOK LIST....

THIS IS ONE OF THE MANY BOOKS THAT HAVE MY EYES FIXED ON....
GONNA GRAB ONE COPY IN A WHIFF....

A BOOK THAT I PROMISED TO LEAF THROUGH
COZ I HAD A YEARNING FOR IT FROM TIME INDEFINATE..

 



BE FREE IN THE SHALLOW WILD...
SANDY BUT FULL OF MIST...
A NEW TWIST TO MY PHENOMENON EYES...

INSPIRATION KEEPS ME GOING ON....
EVEN WHEN THINGS FALL DREADLY APART....
A BOOK THAT TOUCHES EVERY DISASTER AND CLAIM EACH PART...

A DREAM widout a DREAMER....

scary was the night; in the blind dark..
i stood in the wave of surprise and shock...
you were there too... but on the other side of the line...
something pulled me out of my bewilderment...
then i saw you being dragged and thrashed...
i know not why are you being beaten for...
the only thing that i cared to know was ....

it was you who is being victimized...

i can no longer bear the silent breath...

so i rushed towards you to take the whip on me...

i didnt felt a single blow on my back...

but i felt the deep pain that you wore...

i caress your blue blown scars...

and kissed your bruised lips...
you smiled in between in your tears...
and clang onto me tight...
i trailed the two  back to the groove...
and slammed the door shut in the face of the world...

i woke up startled ... finding that it was just a dream...

so crystal clear was the dream...
but you was so morbid as the night itself...
your face was hidden in the dark...
but your pain shined bright with the star...
now i cant remember your couture smile...
but i can feel the warmth of your heart...
you are again a mystery in the neverland....
it was just a dream...
and i am dreamer without a dream....
and i dream a dream.... devoid of the dreamer...

IF...

...if ever ur words fail to soothe da reading heart...
... forever will i write my words in silence....

HOW DO I GO ABOUT THIS????????????

well... how do i exactly go about this... its nerve-wrecking when words give that stubborn attitude to flow out... to be exact, i am failing short of words to pen down anything. This is one of times that i hate the most and it particularly reminds me of the worst exams that i ever wrote Blank...
Blacking out is a common situation in every phase of emotions: be it be: stress, anger, nervousness, sadness, happiness excitement etc etc but i don't understand why i am blacking out. i am feeling just neutral; not specific in my emotions...

hmmmm was it yesterday???????? oh ya... it was yesterday.... look now my memory is playing hide and seek with me again... coming back.... it was around 1pm,just after having my poor lunch, i was heading back to my room. coming out of the cafeteria, i noticed a white door next to the stewarding area. i was wondering what could be being used for? though i had the pre-notion that it could be the pantry room.  i tried pushing the door but it was latched from inside.strangely i saw a big hole on the door near the latch just big enough to fit in my hand. so, i just pushed my hand inside and waved crazily. i meant it to be seriously fun... but after i walked three steps, i heard the door creak open and the steward guy came out of the room. i just happened to look back and saw him and the cafeteria lady standing outside. i started giggling! shit! hehhe... the two of them and my friend were looking blankly at me. i couldn't possibly give back any answer and i was in mid of my giggling phase. so, to end the amusement, i just said to all in common: what?????? the steward guy shouted back, why you put your hand? next time, i will catch you hand and wont let it go. i just gave a laugh and went into the lift. my friend was laughing too and was criticizing me: why, your hand itchy????? i was like.... no... i got an intuition.... shit...  i think they thought i saw them in the room and so was disturbing them..... oops!!!!!!!!!! i had no idea that i broke somebody's privacy.....
we laughed the roar!!!

the hospitality industry is such a queer place to be in....... and i am feeling strange.....

ERASING THE UNPLEASANT MOMENTS....

oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!! cant believe,,, i am done with my 10weeks training...
well, to be exact, there is no super high feeling in my heart. it is the same as ever.. i am happy to leave this place and sad to bade goodbye to every other..
guess, thats the way life is meant to be... so that excites happy days ahead...

THE GOODY DAYS ARE WELCOMED AGAIN .....
no more early waking up....
no more sleepy heads in the work place....
no more egg station and nasty comments....
no more running around to refill the empty buffet...
no more chopping sausages, hams and onions.....
no more slicing butter, tomyam leaves....
no more cutting vegetables with all weird names...
no more running to the butcher ...
no more checking menu and doing mis-en-place....
no more cutting fingers and crying in pain....
no more receiving orders and listening to commands...
no more sliding for ala-carte orders ....
no more asking for directions and attention....
no more checking of the duty rooster...
no more changing of the music station on the radio.
no more servicing and smiling at stoned faces...
no more clearing plates and pouring water...
no more room service and asking for the payment...
no more briefings and loud annoyance...
no more waiting for breaks.....
no more punch in and punch out cards....
no more  stitching tongues and biting lips...

THE BAD ASPECT OF RETURNING BACK.....
no more hotel rooms to stay in...
no more hot jaccuzi and hot bath tub...
no more prepared canteen food...
no more ice-cream whenever i want...
no more tips and extra tips...
no more 24hour aircon(coz its shoots up electricity bill)
no more merry around in the chiller...
no more learning and cooking...
no more beaches around....
no more sands to walk on....

P.S. it taught me a lot... and i have few more names credited to the journey of my life.......

DA HEAVY SILENCE WISH....

1.The person who desires to consult the compassionate Buddha must first pay respect to the sacred image and then concentrate, with a clear mind on the wish he/she desires to make.
2. then grip the Sacred image firmly on the body with both hands, make a wish, and ask that you should be able to lift the sacred image lightly without any effort.
3.In doing so, you succeed, and then conform that your wish can be fulfilled in your second attempt, ask that you should not be able to lift it at all. if you succeed again, you can consider that your wish can be fulfilled.
4.If in the first attempt you ask to be able to lift the sacred image lightly and it proved the opposite then you can consider that you wish that you desire is not going to be successful.
i kind of liked the whole aspiration making. infact the Buddha statue is around 1000years old from Thailand. though it is very small in size, it is very heavy.
hmmm but i am happy i succeded.. hope my wish is heard.....
courtesy goes to uncle and aunty Nioh for bringing us around Penang...

P.S.... i silently bury my wish believing that it is heard....

DA HEAVY SILENCE WISH....

1.The person who desires to consult the compassionate Buddha must first pay respect to the sacred image and then concentrate, with a clear mind on the wish he/she desires to make.
2. then grip the Sacred image firmly on the body with both hands, make a wish, and ask that you should be able to lift the sacred image lightly without any effort.
3.In doing so, you succeed, and then conform that your wish can be fulfilled in your second attempt, ask that you should not be able to lift it at all. if you succeed again, you can consider that your wish can be fulfilled.

MAKING MA ASPIRATION....

4.If in the first attempt you ask to be able to lift the sacred image lightly and it proved the opposite then you can consider that you wish that you desire is not going to be successful.

i kind of liked the whole aspiration making. infact the Buddha statue is around 1000years old from Thailand. though it is very small in size, it is very heavy.
hmmm but i am happy i succeded.. hope my wish is heard.....
courtesy goes to uncle and aunty Nioh for bringing us around Penang...

P.S.... i silently bury my wish believing that it is heard....

ITS IN THE TITLE...

full free time of nothingness....
chop a little and peel a lot more....
clear the most and refill the least....
flip it little and burn it at the flame...
morning glory has turned into evening glory....
but cactus still blooms in the desert.....
speak out soft and mumble loud...
ears hear blindly and eyes watch bluntly...
'this is the obscurity of habituating....

CHOPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It brings in the hell in me and yet again takes the hell out of me to stand against the wrong choice. well, to be exact, it isnt a choice after all; it is the compulsion that is driving me crazy....
A week and few days in the kitchen and i am hating it..... starting from the entrance to the exit which is infact the same doorway....
say masuk kitchen on 10th august... a bad bad day!!!!!!!! saya suka kerja tapi too much is too much and too less is too bad... plus samua chef cakap bahasa malayu... saya tak faham. saya faham sikit sikit tapi saya bukan malayu sebab itu saya benci malayu. tak tahu macam tapi saya benci lah.... god knows....
oops.... i am too bad.... today i peeled of ma tear covering and broke down when the chef talked to me in high pitch. it was too bad for the early start at 7am. guess i was over showered with free hands that i got out to help my friend which was taken as a false step. gosh, it kills to be good and punctual...
saying of good, i am reminded of yesterday, when i was put up at the egg station to take orders and infact prepare the order. it was a trash!!!!!!!!!!! the first few guest order fried egg which came out as an omelet. i got couple of orders for omelet for which the final produce was like a scrambled egg... gosh... in the end, i felt like an idiot omelet... i remember what the English lady told me... she ordered for fried egg without the egg yolk broken and fried on both sides. on top of that difficult order, she kept her eyes fixed on me. dammit, i was sweating with the oil droplets smeared on my glasses. To further add to her amusement, she commented " you are killing the egg before it is fried"! i manage to give out a smile in that wreck of time. " i will be fine with your egg intact" came out from my mouth. that was a sheer reply !!!!!!!!!!! gosh, i said back.... the lady could only smile back and comment again.... that was pretty bad for a starter. but today was kinda fine.... but i hate standing at the egg station..... i hate eggs now...................

i have four more weeks to go in this shitty dept. fingers crossed for that... i wonder how well i can cope.... but yeah, all the chef's knows me by different name... hehe its kinda funny to hear myself being called by so many names..... but i accept with a laugh..... after all, i am a foreigner with a foreign name!!!!!!!!!!!!

STUPIDITY??????????? OR IGNORANCE.....???????????

Today marks the official 4th day since the flash flood hit ladag. it tears me down to visualize the scenario though i have seen the images that are too disastrous to be true.  I blame myself for not being there in times of turmoil and need. Moreover, i am too helpless that i cant soothe my fears and strengthen somebody's spirit. The communication lines are dead and i am so graved in reaching out to them.I cant even talk to my dad and my bro. and ma frnds n my teachers. my heart is frailing with every seconds passing by.
I know my effort is in ruin but i cant accept that inability. i didnt give up even after trying to call my dad for the umpteenth time. I dont give a shit to the bad line: i just want to hear his voice and secure his presence in this world. i mean to be mean but that's all i can think of being. i called dawa(SL) and she tried to pacify me but i cant control the gush that is pouring out. ultimately i broke out after watching the BBC news and reading the paper. I repeated my effort again. after trying for an hour, i finally got the line. gosh..... it streamed joy to hear his voice again. i couldn't ask him about his well-being coz of the low battery but i know he is safe. and i am more than satisfied. guess, thats the feeling every daughter feels after hearing their dad's strong firm voice. and i pray every daughter share my joy and blessing in such uproar. Sadly, i couldn't have a dialogue with any other person. but i hope and pray they are safe and secure.... i called Dee to find her caught in insecurity. i tried so hard to be strong but i was not able to do so. its fathomable to be cried but it is unfathomable why mine are the only ones to be cried? why? pourqui?
gosh its so hard to go on about it. i need more space and wide privacy for my feelings to flow....

the only changes that have been happening in these times of dullness is that i have changed my deptt. i am working in kitchen now. first day.... n i am like... WTF..... this looks terrible for me only coz i am a non-malay speaking trainee.  yeah, i am not a malay and you better not expect me to spit malay in response.... saya cakap malay sekit sekit tapi saya tak suka cakap malayu. faham tak? saya orang indya lapastu saya cakap bahasa hindi.
after working till 11pm, i went up to my room and on the way back i met shein. i expected her to ask me about my 1st day but no.... she asked...Y R U LUKIN SO STUPID??????????? is dat a question to be asked. dammit, i couldnt find any answer for her so i just ask back... M I LUKIN SO STUPID? but i can understand why she asked that. coz i was wearing the bis small size chef jacket with no apron and a black cap. and i looked like a dummy clothed with xtra-large size jacket.. i am kinda lost in it.... hehehe that was the joke of the day at night......
and so m online..... tomoro afternoon shift again.... so no worries.... i can sleep as long as i want. infact, today i promised KC to accompany her to watch Airbender but i was kind of not wanting to go. so i slept behind. i think i did a good thing in my decision coz the film started at 1pm and so i had no chance i can watch it as i have to be back in time for my work......
there is always a second time....,,, i luvit it....


well well.... i need to slow down now...i just sth else to browse over... i am anticipating gud news from leh...... FINGERS CROSSED,,,,,,, IN HOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!