SOBER YET FULL.....

It always goes back to the time when things were not as easy as it used to be... thoughts of love and anguish always lingers in my mind... i know not what to comprehend of the situation that i am balked in now...

its always tricky and misguided....

i need resilience and much more...

P.S. leave me liveless.....

BID ADIEU.....

Cold Autumn night and I am crawled in my bed thinking of the times when i felt warm in your arms. I was remembering the times when I stole away myself to see you and kiss you endlessly under the starlit sky. I remember longing for the day when i could freely walk in your arms and be with you forever. i didn't had the courage to walk out of my bed and rush into you but i gathered my heart to call you once again after those bitter moments. I missed you terribly and all I wanted was to hear you call my name yet again and whisper those magical words.
oh! boy, you did picked up the call and i heard you say my name but it wasn't the same anymore. I could feel the warmth in your voice gone and all i could feel was your objection to your words. You promised me my world and you were shunning you world onto me. If only you would believe me and my words, i promise life would have been a dream come true. I won't tell you to keep on loving me when all you have for me is lack of it and everything...
hold on boy, I am not deeply broken yet. i am just scattered within myself and  i am searching for the moment to gather up and get back to my own...

P.s. dont you feel sorry for the broken wings coz i still have the fleets to get on going...

SOMETIMES IN BETWEEN....

There were times when I thought of swallowing my pride and beg myself to go back to you. But There were also moments when I had the pride that I did the right thing in not looking back onto you or to the relationship that I chaptered in my life...

I miss you terribly but I know I have to move on not to miss my time. You had gone long before I stopped and now I cant rest to keep up with you....

P.S. I need to go but I can't go on ....

EXPANDABLE TRUTH...

The voice of my love...
flutes in with his move...
I hear him nearing...
when I look away from his wearing....
I take the chance to let him hold me ...
I dont make a minute move to thee...

SEARCHING YOU IN ME...

Whenever my day is over...
Before I let loose my hair...
Before I remove my nerdy looks...
Before I look at the blank wall...
Before I notice the setting of the time..
Before I put off those lights...
I always long to hear your voice....

Whenever the candles have been blown away...
Before I furrow in my bed...
Before I heave a big sigh....
Before I stare in the darkness....
Before I think of picking up my phone...
Before I call you like I always do...
I always wish to hear you whisper my name...

Whenever my head touch the pillows....
Before I wander in my dreams...
Before I look for you under my closed eyes...
Before I think of you yet again...
Before I sleep into another day....
I will always wish you be by my side when i wake up in the morning...

And believe your sleeping face before I start missing you again....

I wanna scream....

not much long ago, i was singing to the birds and whistling to the winds...
hours later, i was talking to the people and scribbling on the ground.
hour ago, i was fetching the water and mumbling to myself.
minutes ago, i was squealing like a animal and howling like a wolf.
seconds ago, i was raining the tears on myself and sobbing through the tears.
now, i am just standing and staring in the space.
i think i will burst out if somebody poked me.
i feel like losing myself to the wind and throbbing to the earth but all i can do is to wipe those tears away....
i can go wild any minute if you even look into my direction...
i think i am going to scream at the top of my lungs...

i wanna split this moment in countless pieces so that i can never jigsaw it again...

MAKE IT WORTHWHILE

sometimes, I lay on my back...
think of all the times that i miss the most...
I walk down the memory lane..
find you waiting for me...
smiling at me and gazing out in the open air...
I sit by your side and you hold me in you arms...
I see the waving flags...
and I see the stars shining down upon us...

I go back to the time...
when you were starting to becoming somebody to me....
the day you drove me away into the sand and the stars...
the day you kissed me softly...
the moment I drew back myself to comfort myself...
the time, when I almost had you smitten...

LIST OF LOTS....

I am not crying...
...its the tears that's flowing...

I am not sad...
... its just that the happiness is no longer with me...

I am not disappointed....
.... The gladness has just ran away from me....

I am not frowning...
.... the long-face is in action now...

I am not laughing...
.... the tears haven;t run dry yet....

Dry pillows doesn't always means dry eyes...
.... tears run dry when the pillows ain't wet....

Caught up in the Turmoil...

I haven't seen stars fade infront of their light...
I haven't witnessed the fall of the light after dawn...
Sometimes I lay awake and miss the light before dawn...
While I do so, I forget the light that I love after the dawn...

I try to catch my breath at dusk...
before the sun falls in the pitch...
I hold back my sight at the set...
But I can no longer see the setting sun...

I am bathed in orange light..
and I see red light far from afar...
I see the yellow merge with the grey...
and soon it is dark to see the pattern that follows...

I stand in the dark...
and miss the clamor of the day...
i yearn for the day to arrive..
coz I am too weary thinking in the dark...

I close my eyes to sleep...
and let my mind wander in my dream...
Alas! I see no dream...
and my eyes are no closed yet...

I cover my face in my palms...
and imprint my destiny on my brow..
I pray for a hope to come my way...
and I rest my prayers in the Hope that might come...

I lay back and try to forget my fears....
but I still fear my fears would return back to me again...
 I am sailing in my fears....
and I know I am drowning in my sail...

DAYS OF LOST TRIALS....

I am trying hard to breathe...
the air is too thin to breathe me out...
I am lost trying to find the perfect air around me...
I am still lost in the trying...
I can't be anywhere I choose to be...
But I am still stuck where I don't wanna be...
They say I should be grateful for where I am..
b.coz there are people who wants to be in my shoes...
I may not fit in this place...
but the place have enough space for me to fit in....
and I am lost in the colossal desert...
running for life and getting wasted in the soil...
with my heart buried in the sand ...
and my face burned in varied expressions which I know not of...
Coz there are countless expression....
to be delivered right across the free prison....