SEASON of MEMORIES...

Autumn had come after the hot Summer had gone and now I am enjoying the winter....
seasons change with the leaves of the trees...
not long I was sitting in the shade of the green leaves...
when I suddenly found myself walking under the falling golden leaves...
now I am running away from the bare naked Trees....
and sliding in the coldness of the white virgin snow...

Months before Autumn,
I was looking for the dark clouds to hide the sun...
sulking over the heat and tending to cold drinks in the brine...
I remember throwing away the extra layer of clothe on me...
and I cannot forget the dream that I dreamed to be...
I loved the swift daily routine that I did to pass the months..
and I hated to do the same thing in a different pace...
I longed to take the long road to nowhere...
and get belonged to the ever ending road ride....
I wished to see the snow in the bright sunshine....
and click some pictures to fill up my lost album...


Days after Summer,
I was gazing under the bright sunshine...
cursing the dark clouds and sipping a cup of hot coffee...
I recall adding on one more layer of clothe on me...
and I remember cherishing the hot summer months...
I hated doing nothing for most part of the day...
but I loved to do something different in a time..
I wished to sleep in all day...
and get lost in the world of dreams...
I prayed to the sky to let go of the falling flakes...
to make my Autumn months come to an end...

Hours before Autumn in the month of Winter,
I walk briskly under the dark sky hiding the sun...
praying for some sunshine and devouring few cups of hot drinks..
I am adding few more layer of clothes on the bulky me..
and I am recalling the times gone by when I had packed away all these clothes..
I am detesting the sleepy moments that is not letting me to go wild ...
but I am enjoying the idleness of the time in every second of the clock...
I want to wander in the woods all evening...
and remain alert for the call of the wind and get blown by the winter chill..
I make a wish for the snow to keep on falling without throwing in the cold...
to let the sun stop shining on the white snow and make my squint in the day...


Months after Winter,
I will be missing the snow...
I will be cherishing the colorful festivals...
I wont be asking for the coldness...
but I will be praying for the wind to pass by...
I will be awaiting for the summer to come...
and make me invisible again in the crowd that follows..
I will be recalling the seasons gone by...
I will be praying for the season to go away....

and I will be cycling in my memories yet again....

TEARS OF THE FLOWER....

I had a pink rose in my garden....
it bloomed every day...
i watered it with love and care...
and it bloomed brighter each day....
it flashed out its vibrant petals....
and listened to the humming of the bees...
it spread its fragrance to every corner of its reach....
it was adored and loved by all...
whole summer, it smiled at all its lengths...
i looked at it and cried for happiness...
strange did it appeared to me ....
when i saw her shedding a drop of tear every morning..
i never heard her cry in the night...
or sob with the blowing breeze...
it stuck to me it was cold...
i gave her warmth and she was dying...
so i gave her sun and wind again....
she was blossoming again in the light...
all this while, she dropped a tear and it got me in tears....
i wondered why she was so scared to tell me...
it was Aututmn again and she withered...
i cried for her...
i clung her close to me in the leaves of my favourite book...
that i read to her while she was still smiling...
now that she is turning to a fossil...
i am still wondering why she cried even when she had the best of the worlds......
maybe she was smiling inbetween her tears????
maybe she was sad that she will be gone soon?
maybe she was too scared to write her feelings?
or she might me wanting to shed her relief??/
else she was incapable of holding me coz of her thorns???
maybe she was too intimated to speak her heart out...
that she wrote silent tears????/

TROUBLE IS A FRIEND...

Dunno what I am gonna write... I am empty with lots of unwritten words and ample of unspoken sentences... I am looking for a space to tell me to dump all those empty trash where it is safe for everybody.. I can't be with another to tell you a story that doesn't matter to you... all that will matter is that the story is rather a tale ..

SORROW OF A SMILE...

Its hard to erase the moment of the time gone by especially when it still pierces the heart.... I wouldn't have gone by and leave everything behind in my trash if only you had the courage to stop me from moving ahead. It would be jealousy if  I stop myself from moving forward leaving you behind but you gave me that option which I had no desire for. I rather waited for you to give me only one option not to look ahead without you sharing the view, but alas! you didn't....
I would be scared to sail high with tears in between my smile... i rather cry and let the smile bloom after the tide has ceased..

I smiled and lived on without shedding a tear in nobody's sake. I live on without the fear of wetting my cheeks. I still live in the hope of smiling even if I cried but sometimes my hopes are shattered by the thought of living the lie again... No, I never lied in the face of anybody but all I did was lie to myself even when i could stand the truth...
i was never lied to and i never lied to anybody but i was often lied by myself.... i cried for myself and i scream at my face... when i look in the mirror, i dont like the person staring back at me with blacken mascara and wet cheeks... i even dont like those very eyes that are pooled with tears and roll out those tears with the slightest flip of the eyelashes. I care less to witness the pain in those eyes when i can feel the fear of rolling those tears again...
I cry to myself to pain myself with your thoughts and facade. why you do this to me all the time? when i cry, i can see you smile in between my tears... or was that a smirk on your face?
Why I have boundless questions for you that you fear to answer? Why am I so fearless in asking that questions to myself all the time? Am i addicted to your lies? I am afraid I cant take NO as an answer to all those questions devoid of feel....

How can I ever stop those rolling  tears??? Dont let me live a Lie....

V fight and i End up fighting 4 myself...

its hard when i hear myself listening to your high-pitched voice. i dunno if i am just listening to my moans or telling you my groans.... every time i try to do something soothing for myself and for you too, you end up attacking me yet again....
you dont want to listen to the said words but i cant let go off the spoken words coz they keep on bouncing back in mu mind... maybe i am paranoid about the things that i do but i am adamant on pressing harder on the things you dont want to listen... it clicks me to say it louder for myself to hear so that i can be sure i said nothing unimportant to me...
i will perish soon in your eyes and i will be living in the horrors of my dream that i let you let me die...

Bro-sis SHIP....

 as we lay lazily on the sunday morn...
we took the time to ease ourselves in...
me and my bro...
after ages of being together...
it was fun...
with the noodles doodling in the pan...

coffee steaming in the cups...

and we... posing like there's no mood we cant afford to lose...

memories are made yet again ....

we are laughing all again...

poking the faces and celebrating the laughter....

moments to remember....
 Cherished yet again..... 

Lemme Cry inbetween those Tears...

its pains.
when i remember the times i cried for you in vain...
it kills.
when i dream of the day you slashed my words....
it chills me...
when i think of the moment you betrayed my love...
it turns me down...
when the feeling of loneliness creeps in my heart...
it rushes me.
when the thought of you dragging me to nowhere flashes every minute...
it scares me...

CRy me a RIver....

i dont seem to remember the last time you gave me a good time. You weren't around lately. guess you were having the time of your own. I expect no apology for being so into you. but at least i am searching for an answer to why you let me feel lonely for long. i tried hard to make up for my foresaken hours with you and alas! you cared less. infact, you hardly cared for my attempt to get closer to you.
all you wanted from me was my kisses and some hugs and you are out on your own. i remembered how i stole away in the middle of the night to see you and sleep in your arms. after all those whispered moments, all you wanted was not me !!!!
I was going to kill you , thats what you confessed in your anger. well, truth be told, i died trying to live again with you and all you did was to kill that life once again. i fought back my tears for you and i went against my blood for you and all you did in return was nothing but spit back on me. how could you even do that to me?
I wasnt the one who came after. you was the one who promised to walk bedside me in times of trouble and smile. You lied to yourself. how could you be true to me when you lied to yourself?
guess thats the end of me and I.
how could I ever love you again when you made me believe that my love was not even worthy of a truth?

lost..

I have been wandering around a lot these days… wandering inside of me and getting lost all the while long… sometimes I am sitting still like the mountains yet withering with time and age…

I think I am still in search of that one thing that can make me what I suppose to be. I feel much of my nothingness in me and I feel nothing weird about this feeling…