SORROW OF A SMILE...

Its hard to erase the moment of the time gone by especially when it still pierces the heart.... I wouldn't have gone by and leave everything behind in my trash if only you had the courage to stop me from moving ahead. It would be jealousy if  I stop myself from moving forward leaving you behind but you gave me that option which I had no desire for. I rather waited for you to give me only one option not to look ahead without you sharing the view, but alas! you didn't....
I would be scared to sail high with tears in between my smile... i rather cry and let the smile bloom after the tide has ceased..

I smiled and lived on without shedding a tear in nobody's sake. I live on without the fear of wetting my cheeks. I still live in the hope of smiling even if I cried but sometimes my hopes are shattered by the thought of living the lie again... No, I never lied in the face of anybody but all I did was lie to myself even when i could stand the truth...
i was never lied to and i never lied to anybody but i was often lied by myself.... i cried for myself and i scream at my face... when i look in the mirror, i dont like the person staring back at me with blacken mascara and wet cheeks... i even dont like those very eyes that are pooled with tears and roll out those tears with the slightest flip of the eyelashes. I care less to witness the pain in those eyes when i can feel the fear of rolling those tears again...
I cry to myself to pain myself with your thoughts and facade. why you do this to me all the time? when i cry, i can see you smile in between my tears... or was that a smirk on your face?
Why I have boundless questions for you that you fear to answer? Why am I so fearless in asking that questions to myself all the time? Am i addicted to your lies? I am afraid I cant take NO as an answer to all those questions devoid of feel....

How can I ever stop those rolling  tears??? Dont let me live a Lie....

V fight and i End up fighting 4 myself...

its hard when i hear myself listening to your high-pitched voice. i dunno if i am just listening to my moans or telling you my groans.... every time i try to do something soothing for myself and for you too, you end up attacking me yet again....
you dont want to listen to the said words but i cant let go off the spoken words coz they keep on bouncing back in mu mind... maybe i am paranoid about the things that i do but i am adamant on pressing harder on the things you dont want to listen... it clicks me to say it louder for myself to hear so that i can be sure i said nothing unimportant to me...
i will perish soon in your eyes and i will be living in the horrors of my dream that i let you let me die...

Bro-sis SHIP....

 as we lay lazily on the sunday morn...
we took the time to ease ourselves in...
me and my bro...
after ages of being together...
it was fun...
with the noodles doodling in the pan...

coffee steaming in the cups...

and we... posing like there's no mood we cant afford to lose...

memories are made yet again ....

we are laughing all again...

poking the faces and celebrating the laughter....

moments to remember....
 Cherished yet again..... 

Lemme Cry inbetween those Tears...

its pains.
when i remember the times i cried for you in vain...
it kills.
when i dream of the day you slashed my words....
it chills me...
when i think of the moment you betrayed my love...
it turns me down...
when the feeling of loneliness creeps in my heart...
it rushes me.
when the thought of you dragging me to nowhere flashes every minute...
it scares me...

CRy me a RIver....

i dont seem to remember the last time you gave me a good time. You weren't around lately. guess you were having the time of your own. I expect no apology for being so into you. but at least i am searching for an answer to why you let me feel lonely for long. i tried hard to make up for my foresaken hours with you and alas! you cared less. infact, you hardly cared for my attempt to get closer to you.
all you wanted from me was my kisses and some hugs and you are out on your own. i remembered how i stole away in the middle of the night to see you and sleep in your arms. after all those whispered moments, all you wanted was not me !!!!
I was going to kill you , thats what you confessed in your anger. well, truth be told, i died trying to live again with you and all you did was to kill that life once again. i fought back my tears for you and i went against my blood for you and all you did in return was nothing but spit back on me. how could you even do that to me?
I wasnt the one who came after. you was the one who promised to walk bedside me in times of trouble and smile. You lied to yourself. how could you be true to me when you lied to yourself?
guess thats the end of me and I.
how could I ever love you again when you made me believe that my love was not even worthy of a truth?

lost..

I have been wandering around a lot these days… wandering inside of me and getting lost all the while long… sometimes I am sitting still like the mountains yet withering with time and age…

I think I am still in search of that one thing that can make me what I suppose to be. I feel much of my nothingness in me and I feel nothing weird about this feeling…

Its UR B'DAY....

                                                                                    should i write you a b'day song?
should i sing you a b'day song?
maybe i should read out a b'day song...
perhaps i can whisper you a b'day song...

maybe it aint nice enough to do a b'day song...
perhaps i can bake a b'day cake...
or else i can light the b'day candles on the b'day cake...
i can switch of the lights and make you appear in darkness...
you can blow off those b'day candles...
and i can sing you a b'day song...
and float in the light of your face...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HONEY BEE!!!

wouldn't i know?

I won’t know if you are still holding onto me…

You won’t even care to know if I care…

You run away from my words….

I don’t remember a sentence I have completed….

You scare me away from you…

At the slight rise in your voice…

You chose to go merry-making…

When I was deep drowned in your thoughts….

You hardly listened to my feelings…

I had felt the universe for you…

You wanted to go wild, I know…

I wanted you to safari with me….

All you dreamed was for a free ride with yourself…

And left me pondering what am I to dream….

THE TIME THAT SCATTERS ME....

I dunno if I am behaving with the situation. I tried my level best not to trip over any incident that may help me in describing me. But I failed in my attempt. I hate being such a snob but I cant help myself in my affairs. I hate the feeling of being lost in the crowd but that’s the least that I can oversee. Its been a month long of strive and struggle in processing my thoughts and my feelings. I don’t want to fall a prey to my own desires but I am so helpless that I cant even succumb to my own thinking. I wanna stay away from everybody’s life but I am so glues to the circle that I keep on falling back into it. I despise the Yankees who roam around without any fear and attachments. I do want to step out in the sun and shout at the sunlight. I wanna hate the moon but I am too less of light to even hear my own cry.

I am lost living in it…..