Thursday, 20 October 2011

Its UR B'DAY....

                                                                                    should i write you a b'day song?
should i sing you a b'day song?
maybe i should read out a b'day song...
perhaps i can whisper you a b'day song...

maybe it aint nice enough to do a b'day song...
perhaps i can bake a b'day cake...
or else i can light the b'day candles on the b'day cake...
i can switch of the lights and make you appear in darkness...
you can blow off those b'day candles...
and i can sing you a b'day song...
and float in the light of your face...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HONEY BEE!!!

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

wouldn't i know?


I won’t know if you are still holding onto me…
You won’t even care to know if I care…
You run away from my words….
I don’t remember a sentence I have completed….
You scare me away from you…
At the slight rise in your voice…
You chose to go merry-making…
When I was deep drowned in your thoughts….
You hardly listened to my feelings…
I had felt the universe for you…
You wanted to go wild, I know…
I wanted you to safari with me….
All you dreamed was for a free ride with yourself…
And left me pondering what am I to dream….


THE TIME THAT SCATTERS ME....


I dunno if I am behaving with the situation. I tried my level best not to trip over any incident that may help me in describing me. But I failed in my attempt. I hate being such a snob but I cant help myself in my affairs. I hate the feeling of being lost in the crowd but that’s the least that I can oversee. Its been a month long of strive and struggle in processing my thoughts and my feelings. I don’t want to fall a prey to my own desires but I am so helpless that I cant even succumb to my own thinking. I wanna stay away from everybody’s life but I am so glues to the circle that I keep on falling back into it. I despise the Yankees who roam around without any fear and attachments. I do want to step out in the sun and shout at the sunlight. I wanna hate the moon but I am too less of light to even hear my own cry.
I am lost living in it…..

Friday, 14 October 2011

lost in time...

i feel lost...
coz i know i am somewhere...
where i know it as nowhere...
i dream of life that i imagined...
i imagine of a life that i dreamed...
everything looks strange..
though i am familiar with it...
i know i am lost...
coz i never wandered in this place all again...

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Must I Wait?

Time crawls like the tortoise on the marathon...
I wait for the seconds to click by with a sigh...
the sands in the hourglass drop in particles...
the minute hang in the cloud before it ticks away...
i flap my eyelashes thrice in a second...
i take a look at the watch before looking at the clock...
i think i will kill the time before i know of it...
its too hard waiting and much harder waiting in vain...
can you please step out of that picture frame and
let the wait go in vain...
coz i am tired of waiting hours in your name...
and i am dying whispering your name to the wind...

Saturday, 8 October 2011

HOPE IT WONT LAST LONG.... but da hope shud stay on 4EVA...

Today 08.07.2011. made me sink into my own tears; tears of anger, impatience, stress and on and on... I really dunno what the heck is going on around me. It appears to me as if I woke up to be worn out by people who like to drag on me. Its certainly not fair to tell me myself that I hate being a part of this whole attitude drama. I am literally tired of wearing a smiling face when all i get back in return is a frown. I rather cry and let my sadness flow out instead of holding onto the fear of being known as a lost girl.
I evolve around myself and I was quite certain about my own capabilities and worries but right now, I can no longer say the same thing. I am not sure if I really think I know myself coz every time I make an effort, I am proved wrong.
This day of the month, I cried for hours feeling under-imposed, under-estimated and vulnerable. I cant bear to see myself crying infront of anybody that i choose to hide myself behind the closed doors and cry as loud as i can. I cried till I fall asleep and I could hardly breathe in! Can i not feel so reckless and under-mined?
i wanna go home and cry in somebody's arms... i really want to! Can i ever get that break to do atleast something that I so wish to!
P.S. Nurture me in my arms and I wont say a damn thing... I am counting minutes to let the pain ease without counting the second that pierced my heart!

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

what if...


What if you are stealing from my eyes...
even though i know you come clean...
maybe you can let the curtain fall...
just to let me know that i am not blinded....
or else you can blow away the candle...
and let me see you in the dark...
must you run away from my wrinkles...
when i had enough of you erasing the lines...
why do i have to even care to call you...
when you are already talking to me...
what if you are spying on me?
and i know not of the spy but of the spies...
will you care to give me a smile...
when you see me giving myself a stupid look..
can you even held me in your arms..
when you are already fed with anger...
what if i block myself away...
will you even throw a stone at the wall ...
or will you spit on the walls that surround me?
i feel like saying,,,
what if i mattered less to you and you mattered more to me?

wats wrong?

nothing seems so right....
everything looks pale and shallow...
who am i to blame?
when i am not feeling right anymore?
i dunno if i have the feeling to get hurt...
but i do know that i feel not that safe....
i cant blindly say i am not wrong...
but i cant confess i am true either...
i tried to conceal my fear...
when you felt that i was going far...
i loved to hear you scream...
but i hate when you yell for petty things...
you cant blame me for my action...
when you dont even know your reaction...
i subtly confide my tears into you...
you barely chase my loneliness away...
i am still fighting for my heart...
when my heart is already at stake...
love me no-more when you all love was everything about me but not me!

the feeling...

i feel a little lost these days, when i am all alone and everybody stares at me. i dunno if i am caught in between my tears but all i know is that i am definitely lost in between my laughter.
New days at the adminstrative office and I know i am too naive to comment on anything... but i am deadly bored!

hear me plz...

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

THE FOREST HIKE...


The day before my last day in Penang, I and my friend decided to visit the tourist attractions. So, our first stop was the Penang National Park. We had no clue where it was located. We boarded the bus and then followed the intuitions which worked pretty fine. We reached the place in less than 30 min. the information counter charged us Rm 5 for the canopy walk rest everything was free. Cool! Well, we headed off towards the canopy walk but nothing in sight. We just followed the sign and stopped in between taking pictures cos memories counts… well, contrast to my idea of an ideal park, it was actually a forest and it was more wild and adventurous than I could ever think of. We took 20 Min or more to reach our destination but the thing was closed for lunch break. After waiting for few minutes, the blotch was opened and we could carry on. The walk wasn't at all scary rather it was amusing. Walking among the canopy sounds exotic and it really was when I was walking among the tree tops and beneath me walked people who looked like tiny tots. It was a fun experiment with height.
 We headed off for the monkey beach and the headlight… it was awesome… trust myself… it was crazy!
The blue sea stretched miles away
beyond the horizon engulfed by green hills on the side. Evergreen trees and coniferous trees castled on the hills throwing refreshing all around. The fiddling of the sand with the high shores creates a big wave of relaxation inside the closed heart. Oh! It was terrific… we had to rush back but we somehow landed at the sign post that indicated another beach at around 2920m. OK, I wanted to give it a try but I wasn't ready for the moments that lay ahead. We passed through a jungle with lots of tall trees with some kind of speciality which I didn't really go through. Yeah, I did witness the music area where I could hear strange sounds which seem to come from nowhere. Then, I followed the buffalo path and the dug out hill. I was really exhausted by then but I knew I had to go on.  Few hikers pass us by, they looked real tired. I was like, could it be so hard? Despite the resistance from my friend, I still walked on till she gave up on me. Finally, after an hour long of hiking, we managed to reach the beach. Omg! it was beautiful! But I was so tired to shout at the top of my lungs which I so wanted to. The beach is the farthest beach so it is the cleanest and damn beautiful. Blue merged with green, the sands were sandy and the rocks were the mightiest… I had my day there. It was falling evening so we had to rush back. It was so amazing to be there. It took us an hour more to reach back and the first thing was to look for water and food. I did bring some juices but we finished that way back in our early hopping.
I had a good time though my feet gave me trauma for the next two days. But my adventure didn't end there…. the next moment to drop by was wilder.... wink wink...;>

P.S. its a race with life... you cant stop the fleeting moments...

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