the feeling...

i feel a little lost these days, when i am all alone and everybody stares at me. i dunno if i am caught in between my tears but all i know is that i am definitely lost in between my laughter.
New days at the adminstrative office and I know i am too naive to comment on anything... but i am deadly bored!

hear me plz...

THE FOREST HIKE...

The day before my last day in Penang, I and my friend decided to visit the tourist attractions. So, our first stop was the Penang National Park. We had no clue where it was located. We boarded the bus and then followed the intuitions which worked pretty fine. We reached the place in less than 30 min. the information counter charged us Rm 5 for the canopy walk rest everything was free. Cool! Well, we headed off towards the canopy walk but nothing in sight. We just followed the sign and stopped in between taking pictures cos memories counts… well, contrast to my idea of an ideal park, it was actually a forest and it was more wild and adventurous than I could ever think of. We took 20 Min or more to reach our destination but the thing was closed for lunch break. After waiting for few minutes, the blotch was opened and we could carry on. The walk wasn't at all scary rather it was amusing. Walking among the canopy sounds exotic and it really was when I was walking among the tree tops and beneath me walked people who looked like tiny tots. It was a fun experiment with height.
 We headed off for the monkey beach and the headlight… it was awesome… trust myself… it was crazy!
The blue sea stretched miles away
beyond the horizon engulfed by green hills on the side. Evergreen trees and coniferous trees castled on the hills throwing refreshing all around. The fiddling of the sand with the high shores creates a big wave of relaxation inside the closed heart. Oh! It was terrific… we had to rush back but we somehow landed at the sign post that indicated another beach at around 2920m. OK, I wanted to give it a try but I wasn't ready for the moments that lay ahead. We passed through a jungle with lots of tall trees with some kind of speciality which I didn't really go through. Yeah, I did witness the music area where I could hear strange sounds which seem to come from nowhere. Then, I followed the buffalo path and the dug out hill. I was really exhausted by then but I knew I had to go on.  Few hikers pass us by, they looked real tired. I was like, could it be so hard? Despite the resistance from my friend, I still walked on till she gave up on me. Finally, after an hour long of hiking, we managed to reach the beach. Omg! it was beautiful! But I was so tired to shout at the top of my lungs which I so wanted to. The beach is the farthest beach so it is the cleanest and damn beautiful. Blue merged with green, the sands were sandy and the rocks were the mightiest… I had my day there. It was falling evening so we had to rush back. It was so amazing to be there. It took us an hour more to reach back and the first thing was to look for water and food. I did bring some juices but we finished that way back in our early hopping.
I had a good time though my feet gave me trauma for the next two days. But my adventure didn't end there…. the next moment to drop by was wilder.... wink wink...;>

P.S. its a race with life... you cant stop the fleeting moments...

LOTSA FROWNS....

This marks another chapter in  my pageless book-free life, but it seems eternity before i can even turn on one page. Must I admit when I say I was wagging behind instead of barking to the front.
I just realised I was too shallow for my tears and that it was a waste to waste my feelings on it. I wasnt never sure of it but now i think I have made my own point not to discard it.

P.S. Least the clown befalls me, I will never let the frown surpass my smile: even though I am a Stern girl....

HEAR Meh...

Months back, I stood carved like a figure in the sand, where wind blows not to lift the sand but to curve the outlines. I had shrined myself not to step out onto the cold world of furnancing heat and steamy anger.
Months from now, I had envisioned things to be enclosed within my encasement and that I will never prey on the world outside.
Months from that day, I am wandering like I am lost... i may have found a place to wander but i am still slueless about what is yet to come! Its like breathing the air not knowing from where I am breathing...

P.S. lend me a ear...

CRY ME A RIVER....

This day of the month, I cried for hours feeling under-imposed, under-estimated and vulnerable. I cant bear to let myself crying infront of anybody that i choose to hide myself behind the closed doors and cry as loud as i can.
I cried till I fell asleep and I could hardly breathe in! Can i not feel so reckless and under-mined?
i wanna go home and cry in somebody's arms... i really want to! Can i ever get that break to do this one thing  that I wish to!
P.S. Nuture me in my arms and I wont say a damn thing...
I am counting mintues to let the pain ease without counting the seconds that peirced my heart and left it hollow!

IDIOTIC SOUNDS!

It never crossed my mind that i would be struck by a blow, atleast not by that guy. It feels terrible and i wont complain because I admit I was at fault too. I mean, I am taken to be harsh-spoken but I never spoke after thinking. perhaps, I should have! A lesson taught!

the moment caught me by my tears and I almost shed a tear if not streamed it. I remember, I could hardly move my lips and all I did was  to look around and move away from that sight. i drapped my hair around my face and rushed in the direction of no-one. I skipped few faces along the way but I was confident that I aired my shallowness. lost feeling from the pride you held on so long was eating me inside and I rushed to the room to console myself with tears after I had soaked my eyes infront of the computer. i could hardly steal away a  look on my face that i had to bury it in the lap of the moniter. Feeling helpless, I rushed to my shabby room and cover myself up in the blanket which I had never folded neatly after my early wake up. I cried to myself but I didn't wanted to hear me cry. I sobbed and let the tear flow but I could hear myself crying from deep within and it echoed in my breath. I tried to ensure that nobody could hear me but I now i cam not that sure of my own effort. Everybody could look at me and say that I was beaten up to badly for a petty cause.
I have also begun to realise that I have become very rude and an angry girl. I do not want to be like this but i cant seem to help it either. Can I get a guardian angel to wave me a wand of sympathy and love?

P.S. I feel helpless but I help myself by confronting me with it!!!

JUST REALIZE...

it ain't any sympathy if I ask you to understand me...
It is certainly no prejudice if I let you describe me...
It won't be a fall if I make you decide my fate...
It is definitely no surprise if I come unguarded...
It wont scatter you if I let myself go away unchained....
It is not a easy hurdle if I hit the boundary alone...
It would surely not hit you if I blow away the trumpet....
It is dangerously not safe If I chase the race...
It wont hurt you if I succeed the race off you...
It ain't paradox if I say I am less Paradox than you...
It wont break the hell loose if I say I realised ....
.........................................You are not worth my silliness....

WHEN YOU ARE NOT GONE...

its the beginning of me...
how can i not see...
its a new start...
like the arrow in the dart...
the old castle floats away...
like the dream that drifts faraway...
i would like to stand and stalk...
but all i can do is sit and talk...
its the end of me...
i am blinded in that belief...

M HAPPY DAT U CROSSED DA THRESHOLD...

Many a months of waiting 4 your sight, I am glad that that many a waiting has finally pushed to a stand still. I dunno if I can hold back those tears of seeing you again after those 25 months of yearning! I am completely lost in the idea of holding onto your arms for any length of time that I can feel the embarrassment right now. I know you had a hard time fighting my words and gulping those silly insults within yourself, but I admit that they all meant nothing more. I knew I had to fight for you when you spoke less to me and cried more to yourself. Though it is hard to fathom the feelings of a tough guy, I did try my best to carry you within myself and shed a tear or two. How hard I may try but I can seem to realise that I will equal your love and care. You have shielded our family from cold and rain And yet again I promise, I will stand by you through thick and thin.

I am longing to see you hoping that my face can remind you somebody you would always call your Lil Sista!

CAN I CRY TO THE WIND???

 I may cry to the wind but only my heart hears the sobs....

Its a hard trail to let the rain wash away the tears, unless the wind dries it off.

Never in my mere life, did I ever whisper to the wind to blow away my anger and carry my burden for miles away from me.

can i ever tell the morning breeze to blow softly and brush away my sleepless winks.

Could I ever tell them to lift my sleep eyelids?

Can I still ask for everlasting sleep when the night is over but my days are darker than the moonless night?

Is it ok if I tell the soft wind to swing me in its arms and make me forget the days lingering thoughts?

Will it make sense if I inquire the wind about its whereabouts coz i too wanaa join them and blow at my own might.and if I ever ask the thunder what is their might, can I ever get its answer back? coz i am curious enough to ask the thunder to take me in their light and make me glow all over again.

Do you think it is questionable if I question the thunderbolts if they ever bolted their thunderous roar?

If I think it is non-questionable, is it still fair if I question them about their curfew?

Can I please ask the wind to forsake the empty air, if ever I throne some space for myself?