HEAR Meh...

Months back, I stood carved like a figure in the sand, where wind blows not to lift the sand but to curve the outlines. I had shrined myself not to step out onto the cold world of furnancing heat and steamy anger.
Months from now, I had envisioned things to be enclosed within my encasement and that I will never prey on the world outside.
Months from that day, I am wandering like I am lost... i may have found a place to wander but i am still slueless about what is yet to come! Its like breathing the air not knowing from where I am breathing...

P.S. lend me a ear...

CRY ME A RIVER....

This day of the month, I cried for hours feeling under-imposed, under-estimated and vulnerable. I cant bear to let myself crying infront of anybody that i choose to hide myself behind the closed doors and cry as loud as i can.
I cried till I fell asleep and I could hardly breathe in! Can i not feel so reckless and under-mined?
i wanna go home and cry in somebody's arms... i really want to! Can i ever get that break to do this one thing  that I wish to!
P.S. Nuture me in my arms and I wont say a damn thing...
I am counting mintues to let the pain ease without counting the seconds that peirced my heart and left it hollow!

IDIOTIC SOUNDS!

It never crossed my mind that i would be struck by a blow, atleast not by that guy. It feels terrible and i wont complain because I admit I was at fault too. I mean, I am taken to be harsh-spoken but I never spoke after thinking. perhaps, I should have! A lesson taught!

the moment caught me by my tears and I almost shed a tear if not streamed it. I remember, I could hardly move my lips and all I did was  to look around and move away from that sight. i drapped my hair around my face and rushed in the direction of no-one. I skipped few faces along the way but I was confident that I aired my shallowness. lost feeling from the pride you held on so long was eating me inside and I rushed to the room to console myself with tears after I had soaked my eyes infront of the computer. i could hardly steal away a  look on my face that i had to bury it in the lap of the moniter. Feeling helpless, I rushed to my shabby room and cover myself up in the blanket which I had never folded neatly after my early wake up. I cried to myself but I didn't wanted to hear me cry. I sobbed and let the tear flow but I could hear myself crying from deep within and it echoed in my breath. I tried to ensure that nobody could hear me but I now i cam not that sure of my own effort. Everybody could look at me and say that I was beaten up to badly for a petty cause.
I have also begun to realise that I have become very rude and an angry girl. I do not want to be like this but i cant seem to help it either. Can I get a guardian angel to wave me a wand of sympathy and love?

P.S. I feel helpless but I help myself by confronting me with it!!!

JUST REALIZE...

it ain't any sympathy if I ask you to understand me...
It is certainly no prejudice if I let you describe me...
It won't be a fall if I make you decide my fate...
It is definitely no surprise if I come unguarded...
It wont scatter you if I let myself go away unchained....
It is not a easy hurdle if I hit the boundary alone...
It would surely not hit you if I blow away the trumpet....
It is dangerously not safe If I chase the race...
It wont hurt you if I succeed the race off you...
It ain't paradox if I say I am less Paradox than you...
It wont break the hell loose if I say I realised ....
.........................................You are not worth my silliness....

WHEN YOU ARE NOT GONE...

its the beginning of me...
how can i not see...
its a new start...
like the arrow in the dart...
the old castle floats away...
like the dream that drifts faraway...
i would like to stand and stalk...
but all i can do is sit and talk...
its the end of me...
i am blinded in that belief...

M HAPPY DAT U CROSSED DA THRESHOLD...

Many a months of waiting 4 your sight, I am glad that that many a waiting has finally pushed to a stand still. I dunno if I can hold back those tears of seeing you again after those 25 months of yearning! I am completely lost in the idea of holding onto your arms for any length of time that I can feel the embarrassment right now. I know you had a hard time fighting my words and gulping those silly insults within yourself, but I admit that they all meant nothing more. I knew I had to fight for you when you spoke less to me and cried more to yourself. Though it is hard to fathom the feelings of a tough guy, I did try my best to carry you within myself and shed a tear or two. How hard I may try but I can seem to realise that I will equal your love and care. You have shielded our family from cold and rain And yet again I promise, I will stand by you through thick and thin.

I am longing to see you hoping that my face can remind you somebody you would always call your Lil Sista!

CAN I CRY TO THE WIND???

 I may cry to the wind but only my heart hears the sobs....

Its a hard trail to let the rain wash away the tears, unless the wind dries it off.

Never in my mere life, did I ever whisper to the wind to blow away my anger and carry my burden for miles away from me.

can i ever tell the morning breeze to blow softly and brush away my sleepless winks.

Could I ever tell them to lift my sleep eyelids?

Can I still ask for everlasting sleep when the night is over but my days are darker than the moonless night?

Is it ok if I tell the soft wind to swing me in its arms and make me forget the days lingering thoughts?

Will it make sense if I inquire the wind about its whereabouts coz i too wanaa join them and blow at my own might.and if I ever ask the thunder what is their might, can I ever get its answer back? coz i am curious enough to ask the thunder to take me in their light and make me glow all over again.

Do you think it is questionable if I question the thunderbolts if they ever bolted their thunderous roar?

If I think it is non-questionable, is it still fair if I question them about their curfew?

Can I please ask the wind to forsake the empty air, if ever I throne some space for myself?

CAN I ASK FOR A JUSTIFICATION?

 I may cry to the wind but only my heart hears the sobs....
Its a hard trail to let the rain wash away the tears, unless the wind dries it off. Never in my mere life, did I ever whisper to the wind to blow away my anger and carry my burden for miles away from me. can i ever tell the morning breeze to blow softly and brush away my sleepless winks. Could I ever them to lift my sleep eyelids? Can I still ask for everlasting sleep when the night is over but my days are darker than the moonless night?
Is it ok if I tell the soft wind to swing me in its arms and make me forget the days lingering thoughts? Will it make sense if I inquire the wind about its whereabouts coz i too wanaa join them and blow at my own might.
and if I ever ask the thunder what is their might, can I ever get its answer back? coz i am curious enough to ask the thunder to take me in their light and make me glow all over again. Do you think it is questionable if I question the thunderbolts if they ever bolted their thunderous roar? If I think it is non-questionable, is it still fair if I question them about their curfew?
Can I please ask the wind to forsake the empty air, if ever I throne some space for myself?

BACKDROP...

Much to do about nothing...
It like living with everything...
empty spaces...
crazy races...
powerful thinking on the go...
idle smoking down on the low...
mistaken identity in the row..
thoughtful promises are too slow...
addictive lines are far from near...
far away images are nearer in the rear...
strong feelings are going down the gutter...
this repulsion of having bread with butter...
 a glass is the last thing in my hand...
but the ants marches in a band...
i am secluded to the core...
when i am alone with the sore...
its the emotions that cant.scape...
and the feeling that wont escape...

JUSTIFI CATION....

 I am fairly holding my pride when i write this post.  Result announcement took a short time to heal and more time to absorb the happy pretense. but everything happens for reason i guess. That's exactly why i can fathom our denied acceptance into Thailand. M&P were sweet to arrange a 2 day Thailand trip for both me n dee after hearing out that we wont be having enough time to spend with them as we had already brought our tickets to Delhi. So, we agreed to go to Thailand on the 3rd of April. We took the nigh bus drive to the Changlung border thats separates south of Thailand and Malaysia. Little did i know that my excitement was about to drop dead when we were told that the visa fee was Rm200. M&P made it known that it was far too expensive and the rest of the trip wont be worth the money. So, we rented a cab back all the way to Sungai Petani to spend the rest of our remaining days. The days in Kedakh was awesome. we had a drive to Penang to fill the missing scene of Penang. I am love with the beaches and the freedom that I relished during my Training days.
The best Part of all was that I got to Participate in Ching Ming. It is a custom in Chinese culture to visit the graveyards of their late Parents and relatives. I like it particularly because I feel a unique sense of relief and Peace. Sometimes I wish I too could visit my Mama's tomb and remember her!
Moving on, I made a visit to the Pada Museum the next day to learn about the Paddy culture in Malysia and go back to the villages.  I must say that the museum was beautifully made. The Best part of our Kedakh tour was the BujangValley. The valley presents the early Indian civilisation in Malaysia, though the country denies its ancestral from India. anyways, I had a great time admiring the artifacts and the culture that existed thousands of years ago. it is amazing to see the remains of their architecture and ornaments that tells a lot about their lifestyle and religion. Among all,  I found a Particular Buddha statue most appealing though the face has been rubbed clean due to aging, i guess or metamorphosis. yeah, after strolling through the places of golden era, we took a jump in the river that was flowing.  It wasnt a big river but we had a pretty good time.

Back to the house, we leaned in for a while and then headed out for Dinner. I have no idea where the place is located. All I can tell is that it is near the beach and it crowded and also that we had to wait for nearly an hour for our order to arrive. Thank God the Food tasted good otherwise I could have cursed the sky above for sheltering me!
The following morning, the day dawned for us to head back to the city and just stay in there.....