when it rained..... it poured.....

Tonight I can write the saddest of all lines…

You have gone far from me yet I feel so near to you…
You gave me your words and you stole them again…
Long before I had it treasured…
Like me a treasure; you treasured me.
Onto your string for warmth; I clanged
Inadvertently; which you had to abandon…
A trail lay before me: so I tip-toed…

But the limping steps:

How long do you expect it to stay on foot?

How far can you see it limping: how so far?

The lonely half footprint of the limp; reckon it!
You chance to leave my world so cold… Is it fate?
Naïve in the hands of nobody: know not whom to plead…
I gulp the truth deep down; you were helpless intact…
Holding my hand for so long: how could you just let it go?
Am I treading on the flipside of happiness?

You didn’t go far to cease my living; I know

But life had come to a halt long before I ebb inside me…

It was evident in your eyes: through my eyes…

Did you not read your own drop of tears???

You were far than late, when the stream flowed…

Don’t ask me why? Coz you know…

“Smooth flow the stream when the brook is deep”…

Tears are not shed anymore: I solidified them…

A rush though all these years; it was still set…
Even diamonds can be melted; what was mine before it???
Unwillingly at my stake; I crossed the long forgotten border…

You cared to guide me back to your fort…

And left me to wander in the wind …
It was not tears that ebb and flow…

It was you who have streamed back to the sea…

Unfathomable is the law of yours…

I draught for a thirst that can never be quenched

But you satiated my thirst that I didn’t famine for…

There are boundless whys for you to answer…

Will you give a moment thought to it???????????

I still live in the uncertainty of you…

Just give me a chase…

Let the candle wicker in the wind…

Let the flame blaze in the storm…

Let the storm die out the currents in your sea…

Once the torrent has cave in…

You will find me waiting; at the threshold of your sea…

walkin thru da leaves,,,

" A man and a Boy"
... m in unison wid da child dat neva broke a tear...
... m by his side wen he is takin his first step...
... lol, m evn witnessin his first sulkin days @ da nusery...
... now, m a host 2 his tears...
.... in da big world wid his small feet...
.... m so wretched by walkin wid da man...
who just laid his old man.... engraved but not encraved...
... i just cant fathom da heart that threw da soul away...


now m da podium where i m goin 2 b attracted again...
... dis tym 2 da "man and his wife"...


tony parson... i just loved ur book....


..... the kite runner....
gosh da film killed struck a blow 2 my blurrred conscience..,
i just loved it...


P.S... there is a way 2 b gud again.....

FIDDLIN WID MA FINGERS..

23-03-2010. Tuesday with no coming events…

A little sunshine splashed on the frowned brow which lay uncovered from the quilt that lay clumped over my face. I sheltered my night less sleep from the intruding sunlight with the help of my outstretched palm.  The refugee wasn’t secure for long as my alarm broke the silence of the moment. I reached out to calm it down but I was far too sleepy to grab it. So I let the voice to flare high. After minutes of its snooze, I finally gave up my comfort to let the hard day begin…

OMG! To my astonishment, it pretty late for my morning duties. It’s almost midday.  Did I set the alarm at the wrong time? Gosh! That means I slept round the clock. Hmmm that isn’t a new thing to happen for me especially during the holidays. By the way, these days are kind of suffering from insomniac. I just don’t fathom my biological clock. It appears to me as if I am treading onto the alternative way of killing time. which in one way I can explain how my day pass on so swiftly and the night time becomes a nightmare even when I am fully awake.  Right now it’s almost my time for bed but I just don’t seem to have the slightest craving for sleep in my eyes. That’s why I am here, blogging. LAME TIME!

What more to tell…. Or yell… I thought of writing a poem but I am left clueless about my topic. Moreover, I just finished reading the last book which I thought would end for few more days. But the book was real nice, only if you are interested in politics. Though I am not a political inclined person but I kinda love the book. It is called the “Dragon fire”. My English teacher handed it over to me to read so I took my sweet time to grasp everything I can. Basically, it is book about prediction of the next world war between India, Pakistan and China. Morally it elaborates the current situation between India and Pakistan over Kashmir and the border dispute between India and china regarding the state of Arunachal Pradesh. It also covers the terrain of Ladakh and all the small countries neighboring these bigger nations. Sadly, the book ends with the Indian nation crushed to the soil with Kashmir still in its hand and Pakistan declared as a slot for terrorism. China emerges as the winner with the suppression of Taiwan independence and becoming a hostile country to the west.  All these conflicts are triggered by the insurgency in Tibet by the special frontier force operating in India. Huh! I don’t mean to bore myself with my review but I can’t help the climax. It kind of interesting but it pierces me to hear of my country losing the supremacy of democracy over dictatorship. Maybe in mere future if I happen to chance upon the second edition of this novel, then I may read the book one more time to have a clearer picture. Hmmm

No ways, I just remember of my long holidays till 19^th April! Damn I hate myself for getting this info so late. I have already submitted my passport to the immigration office. Now I can’t go anywhere. I am stuck! I can collapse to boredom if not death! Shit! I hate this fate… this life is getting crappy… crappier than the crap…

Well that leaves me with the only option to crawl into my bed as I have to wake up fair early than today coz I am expected to follow to a lunch dana in sentul temple. Pray that my eyelid rest on the perfect edge to shut my eyes properly.

Will it be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare? Either will do!

P.S. Insomnia is not my disease!

ORY-GAMY: as spelled as origami…

It was real too late to draw up a plan to hover anywhere coz I made it early to submit my p/p to the immigration office. Now I am left with the only choice to travel in my dreams which is not as frequent as my sleep. I just can’t get to think of my insomniac nights. It really sounds queer for this sleeping log but as I said before I can decipher the code to this illness. Contradictory, I can sleep really late in the day time. That explains my nocturnal days which, not surprisingly reminds me of my Bangalore days: Times that I have cherished the most and I still live my moment in those sweet memories.  I don’t want me to be nostalgic to stop letting myself live this moments. So to inhale the life outside, I went out for a cute origami class. It was fun, educative and above all, brought back all my childhood memoirs; A carefree life, wildly in love with my innocence and doing everything that I was told not to.

Anyways, origami was all about being a child again but with reason and laughs at the small queer things you crave out! Hmmm it shows my creativity… have a look!!!!!!!!!!!

FIDDLIN WID MA FINGERS..

23-03-2010. Tuesday with no coming events…

A little sunshine splashed on the frowned brow which lay uncovered from the quilt that lay clumped over my face. I sheltered my night less sleep from the intruding sunlight with the help of my outstretched palm.  The refugee wasn’t secure for long as my alarm broke the silence of the moment. I reached out to calm it down but I was far too sleepy to grab it. So I let the voice to flare high. After minutes of its snooze, I finally gave up my comfort to let the hard day begin…

OMG! To my astonishment, it pretty late for my morning duties. It’s almost midday.  Did I set the alarm at the wrong time? Gosh! That means I slept round the clock. Hmmm that isn’t a new thing to happen for me especially during the holidays. By the way, these days are kind of suffering from insomniac. I just don’t fathom my biological clock. It appears to me as if I am treading onto the alternative way of killing time. which in one way I can explain how my day pass on so swiftly and the night time becomes a nightmare even when I am fully awake.  Right now it’s almost my time for bed but I just don’t seem to have the slightest craving for sleep in my eyes. That’s why I am here, blogging. LAME TIME!

What more to tell…. Or yell… I thought of writing a poem but I am left clueless about my topic. Moreover, I just finished reading the last book which I thought would end for few more days. But the book was real nice, only if you are interested in politics. Though I am not a political inclined person but I kinda love the book. It is called the “Dragon fire”. My English teacher handed it over to me to read so I took my sweet time to grasp everything I can. Basically, it is book about prediction of the next world war between India, Pakistan and China. Morally it elaborates the current situation between India and Pakistan over Kashmir and the border dispute between India and china regarding the state of Arunachal Pradesh. It also covers the terrain of Ladakh and all the small countries neighboring these bigger nations. Sadly, the book ends with the Indian nation crushed to the soil with Kashmir still in its hand and Pakistan declared as a slot for terrorism. China emerges as the winner with the suppression of Taiwan independence and becoming a hostile country to the west.  All these conflicts are triggered by the insurgency in Tibet by the special frontier force operating in India. Huh! I don’t mean to bore myself with my review but I can’t help the climax. It kind of interesting but it pierces me to hear of my country losing the supremacy of democracy over dictatorship. Maybe in mere future if I happen to chance upon the second edition of this novel, then I may read the book one more time to have a clearer picture. Hmmm

No ways, I just remember of my long holidays till 19^th April! Damn I hate myself for getting this info so late. I have already submitted my passport to the immigration office. Now I can’t go anywhere. I am stuck! I can collapse to boredom if not death! Shit! I hate this fate… this life is getting crappy… crappier than the crap…

Well that leaves me with the only option to crawl into my bed as I have to wake up fair early than today coz I am expected to follow to a lunch dana in sentul temple. Pray that my eyelid rest on the perfect edge to shut my eyes properly.

Will it be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare? Either will do!

P.S. Insomnia is not my disease!

#@%*

lot of things runnin on ma mind.,.....
dunno 4om whr 2 let da fountain flow....
heap it or leap it.... or spray it...
i heap it,,,,,,, it b'comes a mould...
i leap it,it withered away....
i spray it,,,,,, it sprayed back 2 meh.,....
a smirk back on2 ma face........
 
i choose to scatter it....
but who cares 2 b careful not 2 step on2 it..
tiptoe on da sands of memories....
of livin lost in da face of death,,,
i fear not 2 face da fear,,,,,,
fear,,,, not of da death but of livin....
i lived wid da dyin souls but i die wid a peaceful livin,,,,
luv 2 leave but i left da self long tym back in its virgin winter,,,
slowly i wil frail wid da autumn leaves ...
yet i releaf da yello leaves wid shades of green...
varigated but not wilted,,,,,

so long i wilt in hope 2 eye da despair...

p.s. she died while she was stil alive...

“When I see you smile and know that it is not for me, that is when I will miss you the most.”

CAN I DENY DAT?????????

I m shocked @ myself dat m sheddin da last drop of tears 4 a passion dat i witnessin thru my eyes... drop by drop, the drops of tear ran into a short stream. the pooled eyes vould no longer stand da fullness dat it felt af8r so long.. so i let it out....  yeah ya,,,, i cried 4 a woman with whom i was walkin along with, through this whole 9 hours... gosh, i was thr wen she was born thru her strugle and now joinin in her success. just a min back i ws thr 2 celebrate her 40th b'day!!!!! happy b;day..... it gives me a deep warmth of a heart wen i cry 4 her... tears of joy though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it doesnt sound apt 4 my dried eyes to gather such a pool but it happened and i m releived. m astonished @ da whimp n da sobs dat i made.....  i know i can laugh @ dis but m okie wid da humour....

so now m closin dis thick chapter with the fingers already running through the pages of Borne identity!!!!

M closing for now.....

SENTIMENTATION!

NOT ALL SCARS SHOW!
NOT ALL WOUNDS HEAL!
SOMETYMS U CAN'T OLWEZ C DA PAIN SOME1 FEELS!!!!!

ITS BETTER 2 FEEL DA PAIN DAN FEELING NOTHIN!

AF8R ALL DIS VILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's like.. dead lokes scattered on the parched skin....
a thousand beads of perspiraton beaded on thy brow...
sea of tears oceaned in the pool of the eyes...
and streams of those tears running makin it way through the trodden path....
A SMIRK on the face of the self that knows nothin of SMILE...
least the sorrow that murks in the dark,
i stand close to the light that illuminates nothin of my plight...
stil I choose to squat under the scorching sun...
maybe a ray of sunlight can dry up my dried tears...
its hard to choose the smooth side of life....
coz m accustomed to the odd world of living!!!!
behold my bleeding heart <3!!!
i hve more 2 yell than to telll...
its a graveyard deep buried with the dead...
resurrection is envitable: after all these years of turbulant sleep...
maybe a coma was just an excuse to awaken the burdened soul...
weightened with the sack of endured lies and absorbed pain...
Now, i make a wish.... wishin dat it can be heard....
LISTEN  TO MY TEARS!!!coz m afraid my smile can drive u insane,,,
u need not stare @ my ghastly look...
coz i hav cupped my face in my hands.......
to refrain you from looking out for meh!!!!!!!!!!

but stil.... REACHIN OUT .....