ODD ONE

It has been like millions of those countless days when I couldn’t feel anything inside of me. I was quite in my room just like all other days when I was at home. Even the sun shone brightly like the way it did the day before and many days before that too. There was nothing loud in the neighbourhood to distract me like the days that preceded today. Silence had set in the background as I had experienced innumerable minutes of it in my life. Nothing dropped from the sky to astonish me and none sprung from the ground to amaze me. The day begun in its normal routine with no surprises but yet there was something in the air that had begun to make me feel something falling… deep in the echoes of my heart beat. Something was hollow in that heart beat that I can feel my heart drooping in melancholy.  I can’t fathom what is wrong with me or anything around me but a stench was erasing my emotions and killing my thoughts. No matter how hard I try to dig into the dark I am still falling into it. It was like as if the dark was devouring me.

I have been in this dark before. I wanted to blame somebody for this but I can’t pick out a name. I am left with so many odd names in my list that I have begun to feel that I am surrounded by oddities.  

STEALING GLANCES

What if you are stealing from my eyes...
even though i know you come clean...
maybe you can let the curtain fall...
just to let me know that i am not blinded....
or else you can blow away the candle...
and let me see you in the dark...
must you run away from my wrinkles...
when i had enough of you erasing the lines...
why do i have to even care to call you...
when you are already talking to me...
what if you are spying on me?
and i know not of the spy but of the spies...
will you care to give me a smile...
when you see me giving myself a stupid look..
can you even held me in your arms..
when you are already fed with anger...
what if i block myself away...
will you even throw a stone at the wall ...
or will you spit on the walls that surround me?
i feel like saying,,, what if i mattered less to you and you mattered more to me?

LONG GONE BEFORE I OPTED OUT....

It was the broadest of all Broadways
and narrowest of all lanes....
I thought the best was just simply better than good
but I was not aware of the good...
the strangest of all thinking...
who was the best and who was the good?

there was one who had a heart but left out a little care...
there was another who cared more yet was out of tune with love..
some one was still there watching the scene but was more of a observant....
A figure was standing tall in the light but was drowned in his own shadow....
I met that clown who thought I was the joke of his life...
I also remember that intelligent looks who wore half a nasty smirk...
and there were countless of the few who had words to spare....
but had bullets to throw...

I am circling in the thoughts of whomsoever...
and I am constantly being caught in the net of where?

THE PRINESS DRAMA...

 


A MOMENT OF TRAIL...

TO BE STERN IS NOT THE ISSUE...

IT IS THE SEIOUSNESS THAT WE SHOW ON OUR FACE....

WHEN OUR HEART IS FULL OF PRIDE FOR THE LIFE THAT WE OWN....

COUNTING THE STEPS ON THE THRONE IS NOT THE PASSION OF THE QUEEN...

BUT REALSING THE STEPS TO THE THRONE IS NEARER FOR THE PRINCESS....

MAKES THE QUEEN SMILE FOR LIFE....

THERE'S ALWAYS A TIME FOR FUN AND LAUGHTER....
A SEA OF SMILES...
FOLLOWED BY THE SPLASH OF LIFE....
AN OCEAN OF LAUGHTER.....
INTERWINED BY THE WHAIL OF HAPPINESS.....
A FOUNTAIN OF TEARS....
FALLING IN BETWEN THE LAUGHTER AND THE SMILES...

LIFE IS ABUNDANT WITH JOY....
WHEN THE TIME IS SEIZED INTO IT!!!!!!!!




SOMEWHERE.....

somewhre beyond the sea...
i got to say./...
u were there..
n i wasnt thr wid u 4 u...
mayb b'coz smwhr beyond those seas..
i had to stay...
close by you to be wid you...

LOOKING OUT OF THE WAY.....

WALKING IN THE MISTY WORLD ...
WHERE THE GREY SKY HAD TURNED ITS SCARLET
GLOW ON THE FACE OF THE GROWING DARK...
I AM STILL WALKING FORWARD FOR YOU...
PLz HELP ME FI ND YOU IN THE DARK.....

When the nights are dark....
I look out of the window....
and I see the stars shining in the murk....
When I am in the dark; at the window....
I look out for the moon in the lurk...
and I see the crescent light falling on my window....
When I am bathed in the light of the dark....
I look out for the image created by my shadow....
and I see the figure looking out in my mark....
When I am standing in the light of my shadow...
I look out for the light missing beyond  the murk....
I see the dark enveloping the light on the window...
When I am lost in the circle of the missing mark...
I look out for the diminishing sight of his shadow...
and I see nothing opaque in the light of the lurk..
When the nights are shivering under the lost shadow.
I look out for the lines dropped from the crack....
and I see the crevices running deep in bow...
When it runs in between the lines of the blind dark...
I look out for the walking steps on the rainbow...
and I see the sliding of the fleet away in the murk....
When the night is ending on the foot of the shadow...
I look out for the morning sun to rise beyond the shadow in the murk...
and I see the moon disappearing bright in the backdrop of the blue meadow...

GETTING LOST...

Some day I might miss this space...

........WAITING FOR YOUR COMEBACK......
Hoping you walk in through the same door where you left
me imprisoned waiting for you....

where I had rented all of it for your runaway.....
Some where I might miss this face....
which drew me into a trance not known...
Some day I will miss this chase....
when I had run along with your steps....
Some where I will miss this pace...
when I was running with your perfect steps....
Some day I shall miss this grace....
where I had found peace everywhere....
Some day I shall miss this embrace....
where I had found solace in your arms...
Some day I will miss this craze....
when I had walked miles for your glance...
Some day I will miss this blaze...
Which you had splashed all over my life....
Some day I might miss this maze...
which I had weaved to get lost with you....
Some day I might miss this space...
where I could reach you within a blink of my eye....
Some day I shall look for you....
in my heart and in my eyes.....
Some day I shall watch you stare.....
when I will be nobody's stranger but a passer by.....

VALENTINE BLUE'S

it is a hazy day with norms of cloud and speck of darker clouds...
 it is a cloudy day with inklings of love lost in the wind and blown to the shore....
it is a gusty breeze that is rushing up my breath....
i dont like the feel of it but i am in love with the cold breeze....
i am not addicted to the aura of love swirling in the air...
this time, last year was so different and so in love...
this time it is so out of love but so in love with it.....
guess... i am running for myself when i am walking out out of it....
i miss you, my valentine
but i am addicted to the missing part.....
i wish i was there with you ....
more than that i wished that i was never departed from you in the first place...


Happy valentine!!!!!!!!

P.S. you are reigning over me.....

SERIOUS CONFUSION??????????

Why cant the world be still?????????? it revolves doesn't mean it has to spin everything around in circles....
making living dramatic and complicated still more.....

This is a hard trial and a very hard effort to be still and not care about anything that falls in its place.....

Please Life.... be good to me and stop inflicting your complications on me....

P.S. I am still naive!!!!!!

NUMB FEELINGS....

lost in the wind of life.... or rather lost with the wind and blowing along with the speed....

I am not in the pensive mood to alter anything that is going on right now but i am adamnant to stay in place and time.... this is the threshold of living life out of pace....


cant even calm myself ... i know i can get you in the wing but i am engaged in arranging my flight towards you......

P.S. i still owe myself an apology....

SORROW OF A SMILE...

Its hard to erase the moment of the time gone by especially when it still pierces the heart....
 I wouldn't have gone by and leave everything behind in my trash if only you had the courage to stop me from moving ahead. It would be jealousy if  I stop myself from moving forward leaving you behind but you gave me that option which I had no desire for. I rather waited for you to give me only one option not to look ahead without you sharing the view, but alas! you didn't....
I would be scared to sail high with tears in between my smile... i rather cry and let the smile bloom after the tide has ceased..

SOBER YET FULL.....

It always goes back to the time when things were not as easy as it used to be... thoughts of love and anguish always lingers in my mind... i know not what to comprehend of the situation that i am balked in now...

its always tricky and misguided....

i need resilience and much more...

P.S. leave me liveless.....

BID ADIEU.....

Cold Autumn night and I am crawled in my bed thinking of the times when i felt warm in your arms. I was remembering the times when I stole away myself to see you and kiss you endlessly under the starlit sky. I remember longing for the day when i could freely walk in your arms and be with you forever. i didn't had the courage to walk out of my bed and rush into you but i gathered my heart to call you once again after those bitter moments. I missed you terribly and all I wanted was to hear you call my name yet again and whisper those magical words.
oh! boy, you did picked up the call and i heard you say my name but it wasn't the same anymore. I could feel the warmth in your voice gone and all i could feel was your objection to your words. You promised me my world and you were shunning you world onto me. If only you would believe me and my words, i promise life would have been a dream come true. I won't tell you to keep on loving me when all you have for me is lack of it and everything...
hold on boy, I am not deeply broken yet. i am just scattered within myself and  i am searching for the moment to gather up and get back to my own...

P.s. dont you feel sorry for the broken wings coz i still have the fleets to get on going...

SOMETIMES IN BETWEEN....

There were times when I thought of swallowing my pride and beg myself to go back to you. But There were also moments when I had the pride that I did the right thing in not looking back onto you or to the relationship that I chaptered in my life...

I miss you terribly but I know I have to move on not to miss my time. You had gone long before I stopped and now I cant rest to keep up with you....

P.S. I need to go but I can't go on ....

EXPANDABLE TRUTH...

The voice of my love...
flutes in with his move...
I hear him nearing...
when I look away from his wearing....
I take the chance to let him hold me ...
I dont make a minute move to thee...

SEARCHING YOU IN ME...

Whenever my day is over...
Before I let loose my hair...
Before I remove my nerdy looks...
Before I look at the blank wall...
Before I notice the setting of the time..
Before I put off those lights...
I always long to hear your voice....

Whenever the candles have been blown away...
Before I furrow in my bed...
Before I heave a big sigh....
Before I stare in the darkness....
Before I think of picking up my phone...
Before I call you like I always do...
I always wish to hear you whisper my name...

Whenever my head touch the pillows....
Before I wander in my dreams...
Before I look for you under my closed eyes...
Before I think of you yet again...
Before I sleep into another day....
I will always wish you be by my side when i wake up in the morning...

And believe your sleeping face before I start missing you again....

I wanna scream....

not much long ago, i was singing to the birds and whistling to the winds...
hours later, i was talking to the people and scribbling on the ground.
hour ago, i was fetching the water and mumbling to myself.
minutes ago, i was squealing like a animal and howling like a wolf.
seconds ago, i was raining the tears on myself and sobbing through the tears.
now, i am just standing and staring in the space.
i think i will burst out if somebody poked me.
i feel like losing myself to the wind and throbbing to the earth but all i can do is to wipe those tears away....
i can go wild any minute if you even look into my direction...
i think i am going to scream at the top of my lungs...

i wanna split this moment in countless pieces so that i can never jigsaw it again...

MAKE IT WORTHWHILE

sometimes, I lay on my back...
think of all the times that i miss the most...
I walk down the memory lane..
find you waiting for me...
smiling at me and gazing out in the open air...
I sit by your side and you hold me in you arms...
I see the waving flags...
and I see the stars shining down upon us...

I go back to the time...
when you were starting to becoming somebody to me....
the day you drove me away into the sand and the stars...
the day you kissed me softly...
the moment I drew back myself to comfort myself...
the time, when I almost had you smitten...

LIST OF LOTS....

I am not crying...
...its the tears that's flowing...

I am not sad...
... its just that the happiness is no longer with me...

I am not disappointed....
.... The gladness has just ran away from me....

I am not frowning...
.... the long-face is in action now...

I am not laughing...
.... the tears haven;t run dry yet....

Dry pillows doesn't always means dry eyes...
.... tears run dry when the pillows ain't wet....

Caught up in the Turmoil...

I haven't seen stars fade infront of their light...
I haven't witnessed the fall of the light after dawn...
Sometimes I lay awake and miss the light before dawn...
While I do so, I forget the light that I love after the dawn...

I try to catch my breath at dusk...
before the sun falls in the pitch...
I hold back my sight at the set...
But I can no longer see the setting sun...

I am bathed in orange light..
and I see red light far from afar...
I see the yellow merge with the grey...
and soon it is dark to see the pattern that follows...

I stand in the dark...
and miss the clamor of the day...
i yearn for the day to arrive..
coz I am too weary thinking in the dark...

I close my eyes to sleep...
and let my mind wander in my dream...
Alas! I see no dream...
and my eyes are no closed yet...

I cover my face in my palms...
and imprint my destiny on my brow..
I pray for a hope to come my way...
and I rest my prayers in the Hope that might come...

I lay back and try to forget my fears....
but I still fear my fears would return back to me again...
 I am sailing in my fears....
and I know I am drowning in my sail...